Saturday, January 29, 2011

Getting Old




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I  would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful  life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.  As  I've aged, I've become  kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own  friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not  making my bed, or for buying that silly  cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my  patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. 
I  have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon;  before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. 

Whose  business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love  ..... I will. 
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I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves  with  abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.  They, too, will get  old. 

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. 

Sure,  over the years my heart has been broken.  How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?  But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. 

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I  am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. 

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. 

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As you get older, it is easier to be positive.  You care less about what other people think..  I don't question myself anymore.  I've even earned the right to be wrong. 

So, to answer your question, I like being old.  It has set me free.   I  like the person I have become.  I am not going to live forever,  but while  I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what  could  have been,  or worrying about what will be.  And I shall  eat dessert every single day  (if I feel like it). 

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